Can you see around me? Through me? What about over me maybe? No?

It's because my pride is in the way, isn't it?

As most of you know, I am in a season of just waiting before we leave for the Race. Only 18 more days.

18 more precious moments of being intentional and intimate with the Lord one on one before i'm surrounded by my friends 24/7! How cool is this!!! It's getting real!

While it's been super sweet to be in the presence of the Lord during this time, He tends to speak in the stillness- and boy did He speak.

I have recently learned that I have a pride issue. Not only that, but the word pride has been redefined for me. Turns out too, that it's been consuming my life.

I always thought pride was something that I was proud of, or selfish in, or when I was really good at something and won't shut up about it. And while this is partially true, there's room for more truth behind it.

But did you know pride can exist behind closed doors?

I didn't. 

Recently, I have been struggling with my testimony for awhile, and sometimes it even gets over-consuming. 

For too long now, I have fed lies to myself about my life. As we often do, let's be real.

"I know Jesus can heal, but I don't think He will heal my heart. I'm too broken."

 I get to be hurt, I get to be broken. How dare anyone tell me not to be hurt by my past?

That's my pride talking.

I can maybe guess that we've all been there at one point or another, right?

Here's a truth that rocked my world.

Pride is something that is reflective of you, AKA something that does not reflect the Lord. So, when I learned that the lies I told myself were reflective of a pride issue, I got defensive.

Hear me out, I want to make clear that sometimes healing just takes time. With that, you are absolutely allowed to feel your hurts and process your pain in your story. I know Job did, he eventually cursed the day that he was born.

The important part of his story however, was that He came back to the Lord. He made the choice to be brutally honest with God. 

In the book of Job, he said something along the lines of "Lord, I know you're good but this sucks. I can't stand to live another day. I don't understand why any of this happened, but I need you. Please, come and redeem my heart."

God listened to this simple prayer, and blessed Job tenfold.

Something I have been guilty of is that I constantly put a limit on God's abilities.

My pride put a restraint from God working in my heart, and allowing that space for redemption.

The Lord I have come to know can heal the most broken. He can heal those who are far from Him. Not only that, but He is waiting and eager to. God wants to meet you in your midst, and just flip your life upside down in the best way.

This world can just be absolutely brutal, and I am so sorry if you've experienced that deep pain that has lingered in your life. Even more so, I am so sorry if your pain has drawn you away from the Father.

But i'm here to tell you, give God the space to move in your life and He will.

Put aside the pride, give God the space to heal, and I promise you He will take what was intended for evil, and make it righteous again.